Respecting Client Boundaries

We previously highlighted the importance of counselors carefully guarding their own personal boundaries while working with troubled people.   Respecting the boundaries of those we seek to help is equally important.   Here are a few thoughts on the topic:

A. We must teach and model healthy boundaries – People who grow up in dysfunctional families tend to believe that they are not allowed to have personal boundaries. Though abused and mistreated, they do not feel they deserve anything else. As mentioned earlier, a personal boundary is, essentially, the line that divides me from you.   Without boundaries I can’t tell what’s my stuff and what’s yours. Something as simple as saying “No” to drugs and alcohol – or to sin in any form – is a boundaries issue.   To do so takes a commitment to caring about myself, while seeking to maintain a growing relationship with God. So, teaching and modeling healthy boundaries is vital if these folks are to begin the road to recovery.

B. “Fixing” vs. “Empowering” – Healthy recovery cannot happen until an individual is able to establish a program of “self-care.” At the Pool of Siloam, Jesus said to a crippled man, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” (John 5:8)   In a very real way, this illustrates how we ought to minister to troubled people.   The goal is not to carry (or enable) people through the rest of their lives.   We don’t want to do their part for them.   Our part is to give them the “tools” they need in order to make good decisions.   Their part is to take those “tools” and learning to live sober and godly by applying them to “real life” situations.   Of course, imparting the tools can be a very lengthy process, which also involves removing the many “roadblocks” to recovery, such as denial. Still, we need to be mindful about keeping the focus on each individual taking responsibility for their own lives, helping them to understand fully the consequences of the decisions they make.

C. Allowing People to Feel – The return of the emotional life is a signal that people are beginning the road to recovery. Repressed emotions, some very scary and painful, often begin to surface.   These can include anger, sadness, loneliness and fear.   Christian workers sometimes do not feel comfortable with strong feelings being expressed by others. By dismissing, rejecting, or shutting down those feelings, we can end up sending the same signals they received in their dysfunctional families.   Instead, in a kind, supportive manner, we must allow them to talk their way through those feelings, even when they don’t seem very realistic or accurate reflections of their current situations.

D. Clear Expectations – Every well-run program needs written policies, rules, and procedures.       Setting appropriate boundaries begins the moment the client walks into our facility.   Each of them comes to us with a different set of needs and different expectations about what we can do for them; what participating our program really will be like.   So, a formal orientation procedure is essential.   This is most easily accomplished by creating an actual checklist of the rules that apply to all program participants, along with the program’s expectations of those who are involved.   And, we must be sure that once we have informed them of our policies and expectations of them, we must be sure to enforce the rules in a fair manner.

E. Individual Attention Given – Clients need to know that we have their individual best in mind.   The mission is there for them, and they not are just there to give their labor to keep the mission going.   Along with providing one-on-one counseling sessions, establishing personalized, written goals and objectives provides clients with a sense of purpose and direction in the recovery process.   They need a set of objective measures for their own progress (or lack of progress).   Efforts expended toward adequate needs assessment and development of individualized written plans tells clients that they are truly important to the program staff.   This is so important because if people in your program are feeling used or ignored, they will certainly shut themselves down to the recovery process.

An important element of the mission’s “therapeutic environment” comes when we give residents all the dignity and respect that they are entitled to as children of God.   And even though their defenses are up and they are angry, still they are God’s children and deserving of every bit of dignity that we can give them.   Respecting their boundaries is respecting them.   Doing for them what they should do themselves is not affording this dignity.   Instead, the message we just may convey the message that we don’t believe that they can actually change.

Once an Alcoholic, Always an Alcoholic?

What about those who say, “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic? Doesn’t that deny God’s ability to change a person?” I have been asked this question often as I have conducted workshops with rescue mission workers and people from other Christian groups.   Usually, though, it prompted by a failure to distinguish between the spiritual issue called “drunkenness” and the therapeutic/medical condition called “alcoholism.” Anyone working to bring real healing and lasing change to addicts and alcoholics, must have this issue clearly resolved in their own minds.

Here are a few issues to consider:

A.  Release from compulsion is a reality  Those who react negatively to this phrase usually interpret it to mean that an addicted individual is condemned to live under the constant danger of slipping into drunkenness against his own will.   This, of course, would be a definite denial of God’s power to change the addict and empower him to live a victorious life.   The truth is that many believers do testify of an experience where the power of the Spirit of God actually lifted   the compulsive desire to use alcohol and drugs from them.   Some others, though, do struggle with re-occurring bouts of intense temptation to use again.   In some cases, this actually has a physiological basis which has been called “post-acute withdrawal syndrome.”   If we are mindful of this, it can actually comfort someone struggling and help them through these times, instead of making them feel guilty.   Additionally, after an experience of salvation, the newly reborn addict still needs special support to assist him to contend with all the lingering consequences of a life of bondage to addictive substances.

B.  The physical dimension of addiction –  When God delivers an addict from the compulsion to drink, he is no longer a “drunkard” in the spiritual sense.   Yet, he is   still a recovering alcoholic or addict in the therapeutic sense.   What separates the “heavy drinker” from the addict is the lack of ability to stop using alcohol  once drinking has started.   I often tell people,   “It’s not how much you drink, or how often you drink; it’s what happens to you once you start – you just can’t stop, even when you want to!”   On a physiological level, anyone who has become an addict will always be “sensitized” to alcohol and/or drugs.   Even very limited use of the “drug of choice” can “activate” the chemical mechanisms of addiction leading to compulsive use and behavior.   Total abstinence, therefore, is a must.   This physical aspect of addiction will remain with the recovering person until he is glorified by the Lord and receives his new body.   With the acknowledgment of this fact, the recovering person will be all the more diligent to abstain from drinking or casual drug use.   He or she recognizes the dire consequences of even “moderate” alcohol or drug use.   If the recovering addict remains abstinent, this physical consequence of addiction will not otherwise effect his life and Christian walk.

C.  Overcoming the “fall-out” of addiction  A life of addiction results in destructive attitudes, distorted emotions, and warped patterns of thinking.   These do not simply disappear when an addict experiences spiritual rebirth.   Calling a person a   “recovering” addict or alcoholic also implies that he or she is actively overcoming the lingering problems of an addicted lifestyle through involvement in a definite program of personal growth.   Some of the deep-seated attitudes that keep an addict locked in his addiction include; pride and grandiosity, rebellion against authority, dishonesty, manipulation, blame-shifting, resentments, procrastination, etc.   While these “character defects” are common problems with practically all addicts, unless they are “hit head-on” they will lead to defeat.

 

— Michael Liimatta is the former Director of Education for Association of Gospel Rescue Missions, where he served for 17 years.   For more of his writing and audio workshops online go to the Guideto Effective Rescue Mission Recovery Programs.

 

Secular Recovery Principles in Christian Programs

How can we properly use ideas, principles, and techniques from the secular treatment community in rescue mission recovery programs?

A. Stay true to the scriptures – Anything we use in rescue ministry — whether in the area of fund-raising, business practices, or rehabilitation — must be subjected to the light of the Word of God.   Therefore, we must throw out any principles or philosophies that contradict God’s Word!   Christian counselors must reject any philosophy or approach that lifts from a sinner his sense of responsibility for his own actions and his need for repentance and brokenness at the Cross of Christ. The Bible is perfectly clear on the fact that real, lasting change can only occur when an individual can experience true repentance — which implies a sense of personal accountability for his actions and their consequences.

B. Be discerning A creationist scientist will reach a set of conclusions on a certain geological formation that is very different from those of his evolutionist counterpart.   In a similar fashion, while dealing with factual data, conclusions reached by non-Christian researchers or counselors often reflect a godless “world-view.”   Despite this dilemma, we must not reject the whole body of factual knowledge about addiction and successful treatment approaches that is accessible and useful to us as Christian counselors.

C. Use what you can and discard the rest – Certainly, some of the ideas that are coming out of the secular treatment world do contradict the scriptures (especially on the topics of morality and spirituality).   Yet, many of the successful methods they use to establish addicts in a life of sobriety have their origins in the Word of God!   In a very real sense, they have re-discovered some deep spiritual principles that have been almost lost to the modern Western Church.   Some of these are: the power of accountable relationships, the healing nature of deep and intimate sharing between believers, the indisputable connection between rigorous honesty and true spirituality, and the principle of comforting others through sharing how the Lord brought us through similar situations (2 Corinthians. 1:3-7).   While secular and atheistic people may see these principles in a totally different light, we ought to be able to discern, with the Holy Spirit’s help, what aspects of this field of knowledge we can integrate into our mission programs without compromising on revealed truth.

 

 

Rescue Magazine Summer 1993